mocktheweekfandomcom-20200215-history
Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 18, Episode 1
The following is a guide to Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the first episode of the eighteenth series. Key RJ: Rhys James KG: Kerry Godliman EG: Ed Gamble SV: Sindhu Vee HD: Hugh Dennis TA: Tom Allen Topics Unlikely Lines From A Sci-Fi Film Or TV Show RJ: Okay, I've done it. The time machine is complete. Now your mission to go back to 1898 and milkshake baby Hitler. EG: Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. R. Kelly: This time, the predator is sexual! HD: We are the last survivors of a proud people, a people destroyed by a pointless war, by stupidity and incompetence. We are the Conservatives. SV: There's an alien in your stomach, but it has to stay there because that is God's will and this is Alabama. RJ: So I'm the blue Power Ranger, that's the green Power Ranger, that's the yellow Power Ranger, and over there's the white Pow--- the, uh, Power Ranger who wears white. HD: (in a Scottish accent) Ah, the hyperdrive has blown, captain! We'll have to get an Uber! KG: Luke, I am your father, but I can't prove it because Jeremy Kyle has gone off air. TA: I'm not sure what they are, sir. They're not humans. I think they are Kardashians. HD: Fire the photon ray. (pause) Ray, fire the photon. KG: Yeah, Dave, it is an amazing piece of technology sent from the future to facilitate our species. If you unloaded it now and then, you'd also know it was a dishwasher! RJ: We're gonna have to open up a wormhole and go back in time. I've just sent a dick pic to my dad. EG: Yeah, the rent on this spaceship is about 4K a month, but there's a cafe that does a banging avo on toast. Anyway, welcome to the Millenial Falcon. TA: Captain, the galaxy has shrunk! Oh, no, I just got it out of a box of Celebrations. HD: Warp Factor 9 in a Warp 7 limit. (clicks tongue) Oh dear, oh dear. EG: Oh my, it's a slimy creature, it appears to be a humanoid form, it appears to be coming out of your vagina--- No, I'm not a qualified midwife, sorry. RJ: What's that? "E.T. phone home"? You'll be doing more than phoning, mate. Brexit means Brexit. SV: Oh my God, is that the Terminator? Oh no, it can't be. We live in Alabama. Commericals That Never Made It To Air KG: New! Nothing In A Tin! Does exactly what it says on the tin! HD: It's two for one all week in Boots, because nobody wants one boot. EG: Want to stop perspiration for 24 hours? Then do fuck all for 24 hours! SV: This memory foam mattress is perfect for a good night's sleep and for having sex with your husband's brother. (winks) HD: Mum deodorant: For when your mum pons a bit. RJ: Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction? Have you tried looking at boobs? TA: Do you want to leave your children a lump sum after you die? Me neither! So get on bet.com and stick it on the horses. EG: I got my testicles trapped in a Dyson and now we're both bagless! KG: Is your bed wet first thing in the morning? Have you got bird shit in your hair? You need a roof! EG: And now in a break from usual advertising standards, the next commercial will not be voiced by Hugh Dennis. HD: (in a raspy voice) The odds of whether I've got nodules on my vocal cords is on your screen now. TA: Do you keep falling over and you're not sure how to respond? Try TripAdvisor. EJ: STD clinics, because you don't know what you've got 'til it's gonorrhea. SV: Why not indulge in our new Game of Thrones massage? It'll go on forever and you'll definitely not get a happy ending. HD: Remember, when the fun stops, another bed may perk you up a bit. RJ: Want a great way to lose weight that's also good for the environment? Die. HD: Lemsip Max: Go to work, infect other people, no one will know it was you! EG: We here at EE would like to announce our merger with 3Mobile. Welcome to Threeee. KG: I'm Nigel Farage. I say we can sort out Brexit and show compassion to refugees. Oh have a Snickers, Nigel. You're not you when you're hungry. RJ: Wind chimes: For when your neighbors don't think you're enough of a fucking prick. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See